Yesterday afternoon, my mom and I went to one of the “big towns”. At least it’s big enough to hold a Walmart. That’s good enough for us. Anyway, we made the mistake of walking through the toothbrush aisle…
– I saw a line-up of those fancy electronic toothbrushes.
– They had lots of buttons.
– I inherited a fascination and love of buttons from my father. (You can only imagine what I did next, I’m sure.)
– I decided to press one little button. That was one of the worst mistakes I would make that day…
– Anyway, I pressed one little button on the most expensive toothbrush there and it started making a horrible grinding noise.
– My mom at this point is holding her stomach laughing and running (with the cart) towards the end of the aisle, determined to get as far away from me and my dying toothbrush as soon as possible.
– So, I, being the weird person I am, decide to press it again. I do and it starts making another sort of grinding noise. By this time, my mom has vanished and I’m staring at this vibrating toothbrush in horror.
– I jab it a couple more times and it starts flashing lights at me. By this time I’m really scared! Finally, after at least six jabs, it stops. I don’t want to risk the temptation of pressing anymore buttons in this aisle, so I take off in search of my mother.
Morale of the story: Who knew a toothbrush aisle in Walmart could be so dangerous?
Now, you would think that I had learned my lesson… today just wasn’t my day! I should just go sit quietly in the back of the vehicle… But no, no, I get to drive!
– We decided to take the interstate. This really shouldn’t mean anything to any of you, except for the fact that all I’ve been driving on recently are the old county back roads….
– You know how people are supposed to “merge” when they are getting onto an interstate highway? (And remember I said I’ve been only on the backroads recently (no, there is no reason for that. Don’t think another minute about it.)) Looks like I forgot how to gently mingle with the other traffic. Add that to the fact that I was chugging Sour Skittles by the handful, and it was sure to be interesting.
– Instead of mingling, I just burst in and about took a white Hummer in the rear end. It wasn’t pretty.
– Of course I should mention that the Hummer was being rather rude… It wasn’t all me.
– We did make it home safely, we did have a few tense moments, and I did end up regretting eating all of those Skittles. But the main thing is that we are now home.
– Now, I’m off to schedule an appointment with my psychiatrist… I’ll probably be grounded from toothbrushes, skittles, and driving for awhile.. But anyway..